A note from Judi

Hi there,

I want to tell you that I am sorry for the delay in doing the post's on my blog. As many on the planet, I have been going through a purging and clearing of my life, Experiencing the loss that has taken all of my focus and energy. I can not remember such a loss of communication with spirit since I began my spiritual journey over 20 years ago.



I was having great difficulty connecting with Yaz. Doubt came crashing through my door and would not leave no matter what I tried, or what tools I used. That ugly doubt would continue to ooz back in and take over. I couldn't beleive I could not banish the fear that was taking over my life, as I had learned to do in the past. I couldn't reach inward to find that peaceful place within me. I felt so alone and detached for the first time since I have been connected to spirit. All of my childhood fears and unhappy memories came back to taunt me. I felt powerless and unsure of myself again as I did in the years before I found my spiritual path.

Throughout this time I visited life the way I use to live, I relived the way I use to always take everyone elses views or opinions much more seriously than my own. I became that small timid unsure person I had worked so hard to change. I had learned so much to empower myself and be confident. It was difficult to recognize myself at first. My former beingness was so different from who I have become, that it took a while to realize I was acting out of my former self.



It is amazing to me that this happened! But now I understand why. All of those things were still a part of me. They were just just buried deep within me. I had made that part of me wrong and less than valuable. I did not like that part of me I did not respect it, or want any part of it. I now realize that I have to remember who I was, to remain who I have become. That timid part of me helps me just as much as the strength I have found does. It is my balance between the higher me that knows love and the lower me of me that knows fear that assists me in everything I do. I have to know my limitations and what I am capable of equally. Both love and fear have to be visited to find our truth and gain the balance we need to know the choice's and how to make them.



Another part of what was going on with me is, because of the financial situation for the world in general, I wasn't getting very many calls for work, and so that made it even more difficult for me. I have always been able to set myself aside for others no matter what was going on in my life. However in this time, I couldn't even find that part of me. Sure I was able to do reading and channelings, but all of the connection to spirit went away when Yaz, or the client did. I couldn't sustain it. This was a first for me. I always felt spirit around me. Perhaps even taken it for granted as we all can do with what is always there for us. It was such a loss that I was too disconnected to put 2 and 2 together. I floundered around like a fish out of water for months! Lost and lonely without my connection, and still I had not realized what was happening to me.



Then one day last week in my class I told my students what was happening with me. I felt it was important they know that just because you find a connection doesn't mean you are done. Everyone has challenges and you have to work at keeping your connection clear and clean. As I was explaining this to my class, a student and friend said there is a lot of stadic between you and Yaz, and that is why you are not getting the connection you ususlly have. This valadated what I had been feeling, And put words to what I could not espress. That night on the way home, I asked Yaz to help me from her side and I would work form my side to release the static between us. Two days later I was talking to my Channeling partner, and I was telling him about my intention to clear the static between Yaz and myself, and all of a sudden he said he was missing spiritual connection and I said so was I. continued with, "ya know I have always been able to bring in Spirit for everyone else but not for myself." And in that conversation I realized that when I first started my spiritual connection I was in such bliss that I was connected "ON" all the time. after a few years, I found that i was burning myself out not taking a break from reading everything and everyone I could, and learning continuiously. So I decided to take time away from work (and what I now realize) also the connection to spirit in my life. And live my life like everyone else. And to bring spirit when I needed it. Duhaaaa!!!!! Did I bump my head? It all sounded so simple and logical. And it actually worked for a long time. Once in a while when I was having challanges, my friends would ask me Did you ask Yaz? And I would always say jokingly "Now why would I think of that?" Which meant. No I didn't think of that. Looking back at that I actually felt a little agitated when they asked that, but never looked at why. OK! OK! I told you I wasn't living my life with my connection. Sooo.... anyway, the story continues.......



As I was saying I was talking to my Channeling Partner Avelino, and he said he was mising spirit, ( we hadn't been doing our Channeling evening for a couple of months.) And through our conversation we realized that we were doing the same thing. We were both leaving spirit out of our everyday life. We were not doing what we always tell others to do. And we both asked eachother. WHY? and realized that we felt that we somehow didn't deserve it, or that some how we wern't good enough. WOW! the lights went on, and all of a suden we realized that, that is what we asked for. That is the agreement we made with spirit, and Spirit was showing us how it felt. In fact Spirit was doing such a good job, that we truly found ourselves longing for our connection. Isn't it wonderful how Spirit is so loving, they will wait for us to learn and then love us some more for our next step. Their love and support is timeless. We can take as long as we need to get the lessions we came here to learn. Avelino and I both know part of our life lesson is to love our selves as we love others. To give to ourselves as we do to everyone we care about.
Have we learned it yet? Well probably not compleetly, but we heard it on a whole different level. We are working on it. and hope to do some marked improvement very soon.
We humans are meant to bring Spirit into our everyday lives, and live as much heaven as possible. I know I was living hell here the last few months with out my connection to sweet beautiful Holy Spirit. I know I need to bring it in and walk in the world with it for me. And Spirit will be there for me, and when I need it for work it will be there for me then too. We all need to remember that we are Spiritual beings having a human experience, not human beings trying to have a Spiritual experience. Bring Heaven to Earth! What an awesome concept! That would abviously create peace on earth if we were all working on that job!

I hope this has helped you to see into a channels life. It is not that different from everyone else. The bottom line is we all have to learn that trust and love is the only thing that works for us. Fear and control only tightens and restrains us.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and A bright and sweet New Year. I wish you the best of Holiday Seasons. Blessings, Judi