Speaking your truth in a harmless way

Hello,

We are here to talk to you about Speaking your truth in a harmless way. It is a great way for a champion to speak in the world. It is important to first think about what you want to say. It is vital use right action rather than reaction. Don't use angry rebuttal to something someone said. Look at their heart and who they are first. Then see if it is possible that you misunderstood. Most people who love you will not try to hurt you. Often it is a peice of missing information that causes upset between people, ask for more information. Tell them you don't understand what they were trying to tell you, because you know they are your friend, and would not try to hurt you, so there must be some missing information.



It is also important to understand that speaking your truth in a harmless way means you have to have opinions of your own, your have to have beleifs that you live by, and you have to be willing to work with someone if they do not understand. For some individuals, asking a question is a way to engage you to get you to victimize them, they live as victims and to engage with these individuals, is a no win situation. They will take everything you say personal, and be hurt as if you truly tried to offend them. This is where you must know yourself! If you are thinking about what you are saying, and there is not intention to hurt or offend the individual you are speaking to. You have to stop the conversation right there! You need to express to them that you care about them, and that you were not speaking of them, it had nothing to do with them. And That it was not your intention to upsent them. If they continue to make you a perpatrator. Then you need to look at the possibility that they may always hear the world through the thinking of a victim. In that case you will not be able to say what you feel without having them react all over the palce. (We have more on the victim perpatrator Savior game in previous blogs.)



No if you are talking to a true friend, and you are both able to have opinions and speak about how you feel to each other, you have a great start! It is important to be a truth teller in your life. People in your life like it too! Once they see where you are comming from. Althouth there are times when they wish you hadn't shared your truth as it made them look at themselves in a manner that was not flattering. But if you tell them in a kind and truthfull manner, with love in your heart. They will begin to look to you if they want an honest opinion. And by the same token they will not ask you if they don't want to hear the truth.



Years ago when people who were shocked at Judi's mother's answer, when she would give them her honest opinion, she would tell them "Well if you want me to lie to you, tell me ahead of time"

Judi likes to use that too. She will often ask people if they really want to hear how she feels about something. This is a great way to let people know that it is going to be an honest answer.



Now how do you speak your truth in a harmless way. You always say I feel like this when this happends.

Example: I get scared when your toaster sparks like that.

Rather than : "You need to get rid of that peace of crud toaster!"



Example: I don't understand, I don't even know your friend enough to form an opinion of her?

Rather than: Are you nuts! Where did you get the crazy idea that I didn't like your friend?



The idea is to speak in I instead of YOU. You want to start your sentences with:

"Wow! Wait just a minute please. That really hurt hurt when the door slammed on my heel."
Instead of "Ouch!" "You made me hurt my heel when you let go of the door!"

"I prefer not to travel on Thursday. Can we choose another day that works for both of us?"
Instead of. "You are driving me crazy with these plans of yours!"

"I'm sorry, I really don't care for outdoor sports."
Instead of "You are nuts, if you think I am going to that football game!"



When you speak in I you are expressing an opinion. You are stating how you feel. Most people can hear that without a problem.

When you speak in YOU It is your opinion of them personally. It can give the person the feeling they are being attacked, and most often they will feel a need to defend themselves.



This is when a conversation can quickly turn into an argument. Or at the least, cause a misunderstanding.



It is not a difficult shift in your communication, however it can make a large differance in how you are understood by others. We hope this has been helpful, and wish you happy communications.

Farewell, Yaz